Two Years Sober
Today is the second anniversary of the day I stopped drinking. I don’t usually write about my sobriety on this blog as I have the Sober Society page for that, but I couldn't resist since my posting schedule fell on the anniversary. Two years later, sobriety is still my most proud accomplishment. While my journey is not the usual path (check out the Sober Society page if you want to read my sobriety story), I'm still so grateful that it led me to this point where I can confidently say I don’t need alcohol and don’t plan on ever bringing it back into my life.
These last two years have taught me a lot about myself. I’ve stood my ground on my decision despite lots of temptations. I’ve also found ways to work around those temptations so I can still be an active participant socially (a particularly challenging task as a sober 26-year-old). That said, this journey has not come without its struggles. One notable struggle I wasn’t expecting was how difficult it would be for me to ignore the opinions of others. Over the past two years, I often worried about what others might think. Early on, my concern was that friends would think I was less fun to be around (a completely baseless fear that I got over pretty quickly as it turns out I’m more fun sober anyway). More recently, I've had to overcome my fear that partaking in other substances minimized or overrode my commitment to my sobriety.
That fear has been hard to face. I take my alcohol sobriety extremely seriously. I try to avoid even non-alcoholic beverages if they have even the slightest amount of alcohol in them (most non-alcoholic beverages have a very low amount of alcohol in them, in fact, so low that in some states children are still legally allowed to drink them). However, I have had a medical marijuana card for a few years (it was a life-saver during the worst of my post-traumatic stress because there were months when I couldn't sleep without it due to horrific nightmares). I’ve heard many people discredit those who partake in marijuana and call themselves sober, which caused a painful battle within myself. I had to get honest with myself and figure out if I was also using marijuana as an unhealthy coping mechanism or if I was dependent on it the same way I was on alcohol.
My truth is that I have, on occasion, used marijuana to help me through difficult moments in time, but I am not dependent on it and have never abused it the way I did with alcohol. I partake very little, I often go through periods of not using it at all, and overall I have a healthy relationship with it as a genuine medicine and general calming aid. I’ve accepted that everyone is different. I’m sure there are plenty of people incapable of partaking in any substances without becoming addicted or at least dependent, but that is not the case for me. I recognize that some will judge that or think I must be lying to myself, and that’s okay with me. I know my truth and don’t have to prove it to anyone. I also know that I’m allowed to change my mind if my truth ever changes and that brings me a lot of comfort. While I don’t want to push, if I could use my experience to give one piece of advice, it would be this: Take an honest look at your life and the things you consume, and make sure there aren’t any substances or behaviors you are using as a giant band-aid over your problems and pain. If there is, believe that you have the willpower to remove it. If I can do it as someone with little to no willpower then you can too.