Meeting Myself Where I Am
Alright, time to get vulnerable. I’ve been trying to turn my life around for quite a while and have been struggling to say the least. On the outside, everything is going great, but on the inside, it feels like I’m drowning. Lately, I’ve been falling into a state of overwhelm so quickly when stressed that getting anything done ends up feeling like pushing a boulder up a hill. I’ve tried every life hack, read plenty of self-help books, listened to countless health and wellness podcasts, and I still always end up in the same place. Stressed, overwhelmed, and falling behind on what I need to and want to do.
I recently reminded myself of a lesson I learned in therapy. I suffer from post-traumatic stress, and anyone who has felt any level of it can tell you that, similar to grief, post-traumatic stress comes in unexpected waves. These waves would, and still do at times, derail my life for days or weeks. I remember having a therapy session where I talked about being frustrated that I wasn’t further along in recovery. I felt like enough time had passed and I shouldn’t be as affected by my triggers. My therapist essentially questioned why I felt there was a target to reach in my healing process. It hadn’t occurred to me, but I had been pressuring myself to heal faster than was natural. I was pushing myself too hard instead of meeting myself where I was.
The concept of meeting myself where I am is something I am instinctively against. I always want to be improving, achieving my goals, and progressing quickly through life. It often feels like my ambition is dragging the rest of me and I can’t keep up. As I sit here on the floor of my apartment well past my bedtime, I can’t help but think that maybe I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed and out of control all the time if I just started meeting myself where I am instead of pushing myself for more. This might seem like a silly realization to some readers, but I’m hoping my fellow type-A folks will understand where I’m coming from.
The reality is I don’t want to go slow and take my time, I want to get as much done as fast as possible. I want to be in a constant sprint so I can take advantage of every moment. No wonder I’m so overwhelmed all the time, I can barely catch my breath. Unfortunately, as much as I may want to rush and squeeze in as much as I can, it’s not working, and I have to accept that. Meeting myself where I am means slowing down, taking on less, and making peace with the fact that I can’t do it all no matter how hard I try. What does meeting yourself where you are mean to you?