Bad Days (Weeks, Months, Years)
Bad days (weeks, months, years) fucking suck. No need to sugar-coat it. They drain the life out of me and leave me feeling exhausted, beat down, and numb. Whether it was a particular moment that brought me down, a series of unfortunate events, or an avalanche of painful memories, it doesn’t seem to make a difference in how down I get or how hard it is to escape that feeling. If I’m down, I’m down for the count, and it can be incredibly difficult to pull myself back up. More often than not, an elaborate pulley system of self-care, patience, and time does the trick, but every once in a while that isn’t enough. What do you do when you can’t seem to drag yourself back up?
No, I’m genuinely asking. What are you supposed to do when nothing seems to be working? I’ve had my fair share of bad days (weeks, months, years) so I consider myself a seasoned pro at recovering from these kinds of setbacks. I have a long history of mental health problems and have pulled myself out of some incredibly deep, dark holes over the years. Without fail, I always find my way out. In general, remembering that gives me confidence that I’ll continue to make it to the other side of even the worst times.
Lately, I haven’t been quite so convinced. I’ve had some things gnawing at me for a long time and they are starting to take a noticeable toll. It’s not necessarily that I doubt I will make it through, but more that I doubt how much longer I can handle the weight of this constant anguish before I collapse. My normal methods aren’t working, and it feels like time is not an infinite resource in my particular situation. I keep looking for answers and solutions, but I’m beginning to think this might be doing me a disservice. Maybe what I need is to learn more effective coping mechanisms and get better at acceptance.
To anyone reading, if you have any suggestions I’d love to read them in the comments because I am truly at a loss. I’ve spent most of my life desperately trying to cure myself, even if I believed it would take forever and I may never get there. Acceptance of where I am and how I feel has always been difficult for me, but accepting that there may be situations I can’t just “power through” is a new one for me. Trying to push through has just pushed me deeper into a hole, and I know I don’t want to continue in that direction. I’m not very good at sitting back and doing nothing, but is that the real answer here? Am I trying too hard and just need to give myself a break? At your lowest of lows, the hardest moments you’ve faced, what worked for you? What did you need to start feeling better?