Radical Acceptance

I am waving the white flag. I can no longer spend my time battling against myself. I’m flipping the script and giving radical acceptance a try. I’ve spent most of my life desperately trying to be something I’m not. A far from exhaustive list of examples includes putting on an act for other people because I believed they would like the act more than they’d like me, forcing myself into behaviors that are opposite of my nature because I believed my natural tendencies were character flaws, or, worst of all, making myself change because deep down I believed I wasn’t good enough. I spent a lot of time and effort, and it has done nothing other than make me feel depressed and worthless.

I say this often in my posts, but I’m really tired. Being tired used to be better than the risk of being and accepting myself, but I’ve grown to a point where that's no longer the case. A change like this doesn’t happen overnight, but I’m already taking steps in the right direction. I’ve even noticed a positive change in my mood. I still have a long way to go to bring my stress level down to a normal place, but I think being more accepting of myself and my circumstances will start to chip away at that.

If you relate to this but don’t know where to start, here are some things I have decided to radically accept. I’m a night owl and not a morning person. I always have been, and I always will be. I’m easily distracted. I will get off task and need extra time to account for this. I need space in my schedule for relaxation. If I don’t have it, I will take it anyway, and that means less sleep. There are so many more examples I could use but those are a few to give you an idea.

For a long time, I thought accepting things like this was me giving up on myself. While I still believe being able to change is an important part of life, I think it’s equally important to know what is worth changing and what isn’t. Necessary change should feel good and will stick over time. Most of the things I’ve decided to accept are things I’ve spent 5 to 15 years trying to change with no meaningful result other than bumming me out. At some point I have to realize it’s not that I’m not unwilling to make a necessary change, it’s that I need to stop trying to change who I am.

I’m hopeful that radical acceptance will put me in a much more positive headspace than where I’ve been recently. There is a fine line between self-criticism and self-hatred, and I have a bad habit of crossing over it. I know it will take some practice, but I believe radical acceptance could be the key to living a happier life. Do you relate to this, or are you already a master of radical acceptance?