Opening Up
Vulnerability is hard. Even knowing how wonderful it can feel to be truly vulnerable, I constantly struggle to open up in that way. There is something so inherently terrifying about letting my walls down that even when I knock them down with force they slowly build back up again without me even realizing it. Nevertheless, I value vulnerability and encourage myself to be more open. Lately, I’ve found little opportunities for moments of vulnerability in my conversations. I’ve realized, though it feels pretty obvious, that those little moments of vulnerability foster immediate connection.
A great example is a call I had with a colleague recently. He asked if I was ready for the holidays, and I decided to be honest and admitted that I was not at all prepared. I asked if he was ready for the holidays, and he admitted that he wasn't either. While this might sound very surface-level if you are picturing someone I know well, this was the first conversation we had ever had outside of email correspondence, and the openness on both sides was refreshing. It reminded me that opening up, even in the smallest ways, humanizes the people around me. It’s so easy to fall into thinking everyone around me is perfect and there must be something wrong with me. It’s not true, but sometimes I have to open up and be vulnerable to receive the openness and vulnerability from others that will refute that thought.
Another great example is a text I sent my boyfriend. This example needs some context, which will be a perfect vulnerability exercise for me. I have OCD, and an unfortunate part of my particular brand of OCD is skin picking. It’s a hard thing to explain if you aren’t already familiar, but essentially, picking at my skin is an unhealthy coping mechanism my brain uses to calm down when stressed. Due to the OCD factor, it is more than difficult to manage and is far more complicated than just deciding to stop. I have been embarrassed and insecure about this since elementary school. I’ve made impressive strides in getting it under control over the years, but if I’m particularly stressed it tends to sneak back up on me.
Well, that’s exactly what happened. I had a particularly stressful day and despite my best efforts, went a little too far with picking the skin on my face. Cue the shame spiral with the added bonus of feeling extremely unattractive now that I had some less-than-ideal blemishes on my face. In this situation, I would normally sit and stew in my toxic shame spiral, but this time I decided to do something different. I mustered up the courage to be open with my boyfriend and share what happened and how I felt about it. He was supportive, kind, and reassuring, and I can tell you I felt so much better than I would have if I had just sat in my shame.
The world is messy, people are messy, and nothing is perfect. Being more open about those truths allows the people around me to also be more open. That’s the kind of connection I want to build with those around me. Connection free of judgment and full of compassion and relatability. How open are you in your life? Do you think you could benefit from being more open and vulnerable?