Is It Worth It?

I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about what is worth it to me and what isn’t. As I get older, I notice that I get busier and busier and my previous methods of “doing it all” and “everything is a top priority” just aren’t cutting it. I want to believe that I’ve cut enough out and am down to the bare bones of what is most important to me, but I’m beginning to doubt that. If stress is any indicator, there is still too much on my plate. It does break my heart to consider dropping more goals off my list, but that brings me to the question I’ve been asking myself. Is it worth it?

When I ask myself this question, I think about nights like tonight. It is 1:30 am as I’m writing this, and I don’t think I’ve managed to get more than six hours of sleep a single night this week. To say I’m running on fumes would be quite an understatement. It’s important to me to get this written and up on time, but if I analyze my week, I have to wonder if it was all worth it. What could I have cut out to get a little more sleep? If I cut out even more goals, would I feel more relaxed than stressed?

That is where the worth-it question comes into play for me. Quality of life. I could achieve all my goals and dreams, but would it be worth it if, at the end of it all, I’m a burnt-out puddle of myself? I don’t think it would be. I notice that the more productive I am, the less I take care of myself. This lack of balance is far from new to me, but having been down this road before, I have no interest in continuing down this path. If being the most productive I can means not taking care of myself, then I'm incapable of that level of productivity.

I wish I could adequately express how painful that is for me to swallow. This past month, I've been the most productive I've ever been. At work and in my passion projects, I've flown through the tasks on my plate at lightning speed. With no apparent drop in quality, I've likely doubled my productivity and have felt incredibly satisfied. Unfortunately, the wheels are starting to fall off. I feel like a race car that got a boost from some nitrous only to realize I’ve blown the engine. I’m no good without an engine. Nobody is. I have to make time to take care of myself. It’s a non-negotiable. The tough question is, how much time do I need to build into my life? Tougher yet, once I’ve set aside that time, what goals will make the cut? Let me know in the comments below if you relate to this and need to spend more time taking care of yourself too.